My Spiritual Journey

So I’ve been on this inner journey for a few years now and lately the past few months I’m really starting to feel more confident in myself. You see, I was not myself for a long time because of a toxic relationship that I am not exiting in a few days. I allowed this person to make me feel less than and invisible, I had no self confidence and completely unaware of the powerful and completely lovable human being that I am. For a long time I was reading the spiritual books and would watch the youtube videos of them explaining things and breaking them down, but I wasn’t “living” it fully, I was too caught up in this dysfunctional relationship, I was giving away all of my energy and never receiving anything in return. The past 3 months though I managed to take action, I filed for divorce in July 2014 and finally the Army has approved of mine and our 5 year old sons belongings to get shipped off the island of Oahu in Hawaii (where we’ve been stationed at, he’s army) and finally our plane leaves this in 5 days. October 5th is the day I can finally physically move on and leave this horrific chapter in the past. We were both at fault, not only him and his uncompassionate tendencies, but myself for allowing his behavior for so long. It’s true, I became too attached to the “idea” of who he could become instead of the “real” him. To make matters worse, I have a hard time letting go, out of fear I guess, but I’ve always become overly attached to people, things, places, etc. (another thing I’m working on) and I became complacent with the day to day routine and next thing you know, I’ve been in Hawaii with him for 1 year and 1/2 never fully feeling happy or alive. It’s about time I take back my power. I’m not leaving with regret nor resentment, the opposite, I’ve learned the deepest lessons of my life being with him. Yes I wasted many months, but there’s nothing I can do about it now, All that’s left to do is walk away with this new inner sense of who I really am and let her shine, no more dulling myself down to please other’s ego’s.

Dragonfly symbolism

Dragonfly Energy

I’ve been drawn to dragonflies for some time now, perhaps because I love rivers and lakes and these peaceful creatures are mesmerizing as they flit and skimmer across the water.   They have brought me great peace, and even their life spans symbolize change and transformation.   The first year or more of their lives, they live in the water as nymphs.  When they metamorphose into the flying creatures we recognize as dragonflies, they live only a few weeks.  I like to compare this pattern to a person who has spent her whole life working her way to her truest path and then finally has the strength and means to express her purest nature.   Even if for a short while, this person will flit and skim across the days of her life, inspiring those around her to live joyfully, as well.

According to Jessica Palmer in her book, Animal Wisdom, in…

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